Do Adults Actually Give A Shit About Valentines Day?

My honest look at Valentine's Day and should adults even care

I received my first Valentine’s Day gifting roundup email last week and it instantly gave me a little bit of the ick. I have never been one for the cheesy kitschy holidays. Halloween, NYE, St Patrick’s Day. They’re not the holidays I tend to get excited about. Give me Thanksgiving and Christmas and I’m all in on the festive attitude.

Sure some have more meaning than others. Or some have actual religious history but let’s be honest, no one is actually celebrating Saint Valentine. But I think it’s safe to say that in the modern day, it’s just a holiday designed for consumerism.

And I think, as a content creator, I'm reflecting on the content I’ve been seeing (and yes even myself, the content I’ve made), and it really makes me wonder if adults are truly celebrating this holiday. As creators, we feel compelled to share gift ideas that merely extend what we suggested in our “what to shop for him or her” for Christmas. We’re also sharing red outfit ideas and heart-shaped cookie recipes (fine, I’m here for the cookies). And yes, I even shared non-pink outfit ideas for the holiday. I’m guilty of this too!

I’m in my late 30s (ouch, that hurts to finally really say that), and I personally just never had a connection to this holiday. I polled my audience on Instagram to see if they participated in the buying of the heart shaped things, or decorating their home and buying gifts for Valentine’s Day. I was not surprised that it was a resounding no. Nearly 80% of my audience of mostly women in their 30s and 40s said absolutely not. And many messaged me just saying they only do it for their kids.

Kids aside, I’m talking about the adults in the room. The ones who are buying heart shaped tchotchkes from the $1 section at Target. Is that really going into people’s homes? Are they really excited to celebrate February 14th whether it’s with their significant other, or maybe a Galentine’s? I just always wondered this because it’s something I don’t even think about. Like, at all.

Valentine’s Day who?

No matter if I was in a relationship or single, this holiday always gave me the ick to a degree. It felt like a forced day to gesture how much you love someone. Not to mention this is the worst night to get a reservation for dinner anywhere and expect decent service (which is something I truly loathe). It’s giving New Year’s Eve vibes and that’s another evening I hate celebrating out.

I remember my college boyfriend buying me two dozen red roses in the most traditional hideous tall glass vase for Valentine’s Day every year we were together. His dad, who was a traditional Southern man, did the same thing for his wife. Same florist, same bouquet. I have a feeling his dad was actually in charge of this and offered to order two to make life easier…

Fun fact about me, I hate roses! They’re basic and boring to me, especially a red one. I also think many women feel similarly. It’s not a flower I’d ever want in a bouquet and I sure as hell hated this monstrosity of a bouquet on my table. Give me ranunculus or garden roses at the very least.

It just had me thinking, as Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and the emails and shopping recommendations are making their way into my feed and inbox, who is really participating in all of this? And do people really give a shit about Valentine’s Day?

The Gift-Giving Obligation, Is It Thoughtful or Just Expected?

I think the thing that makes me personally dislike the holiday is the expectation of gift giving. It feels performative, sort of like Christmas gifts as adults. I like when a gift comes from the heart and is unexpected. Bring me a thoughtful gift on a random Tuesday because you were thinking of me. Not on February 14th because the calendar said so.

Should Adults Even Be Celebrating Valentine’s Day?

Maybe it’s the cheesy cards, or heart shaped everything, but there is a level of childishness that comes with V-Day. And it’s that aspect of it that makes me question why grown adults are participating. This feels like something for the kids, or the newly coupled up high school and college kids who are figuring out love for the first time.

And while I’m not a total Debbie Downer, I also get the aspect of tradition. It’s a way to have a bit of a ritual with the person you love and know that it happens every year. Maybe it’s a recipe you make, or activity, or a simple gift you always share. I can maybe get behind that, but I guess my questions is if there’s really a need for a Valentine’s Day gift roundup? Are people really spending money on gifts for this specific day outside of jewelry or dinner? Do we need content creators and stores to share extensive amount of gift giving and decor and outfit ideas? Is this holiday really that hard?

And I’m asking this as a creator myself who has 100% participated in this. It’s a click grab too knowing that it does well with traffic from Google and Pinterest, so I don’t fault people for creating it. I’m just wondering are people actually interested at the end of the day and buying these gifts as gifts?

A Single Person’s Perspective

As someone who has been perpetually single for quite some time now, I have a few thoughts on the holiday. I also can’t help but eye roll when I walk into the grocery store the 2nd week of February with the excessive amounts of heart balloons and low quality chocolate. It just drives me bonkers how commercialized this day of love is.

I also don’t love this new concept of Galentine’s Day. A day to celebrate female friendship and get together to spend more money. And through my research, was in fact founded by Parks and Rec. Are we for real right now?

If I want to hang out with my friends, I will. I don’t need a made-up holiday from Leslie Knope to make me feel better about being included on Valentine’s Day. And trust me, I love Leslie Knope!

Some will be quick to judge and say that the only reason why I’m criticizing the holiday is because I am in fact, single. I have no one to celebrate it with, so I’m just a bitter single woman hating on a holiday I am unable to participate ein. And to that I say, absolutely fucking not.

And I also say to that, doesn’t that make this holiday kind of fucked up even more that we pity or shame those who don’t participate or can’t?

My Thoughts When I Was Coupled Up

When I was in relationships, I also wasn’t a huge fan. From the forced gifting and show of appreciation, but also the pressure it had on me. Not only the pressure to give a gift, but the pressure to make it special even on their end! I felt like if he didn’t do a good enough job, it was a reflection of our relationship. That probably has some deeply rooted insecurities in there from past shitty relationships, but it’s a valid feeling I used to have. And feel like I would again if I was coupled up in the future.

I also wonder, now that I’m older, would I have a different relationship with this holiday altogether? I for one, wouldn’t want to celebrate it, and two, I would be more communicative in those feelings now in my old age. Something I failed to do back in my early 20s.

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I just feel like with many holidays, the meaning has disappeared and consumerism has taken over. And when it comes to showing your love and admiration for someone, I hate that a specific day has to be when people feel obligated to do so. Maybe it’s the fact I am someone who appreciates acts of service, and doing an act of service on a designated day is truly the laziest way to go about it, that I have a bit of a complicated relationship with this holiday.

But I’d love to know how you celebrate this day. Do you enjoy seeing Valentine’s Day gift roundups or ideas on what to wear for your overpriced reservation? Is this a holiday you look forward to or are you more like me in the sense that it’s just about consumerism, and maybe we just leave this one for the kids to give them a fun activity to participate in?